A Little Ryuu-jin
by Mullet-Revolution
Summary: Van, removed from Fanelia by his pimp "father", Allen, is forced to live at a girls school in Zaibach! Psycho teachers, children with identity problems, and an albino pyro are just the beginning! A messed up parody of fun!
1. The Little Ryuu-jin

Hello Hello! This summer I have mostly been reading fanfictions about Escaflowne and felt that I myself needed to write one. My best buddy Ironi Numair (-_-;) came over and I informed her that we would write a fanfiction. Based on "A Little Princess", one of our favorite movies, we decided it would be fun. This is my first fanfiction here, however I have made fanfictions before. Please R & R. :p

Disclaimer: "A Little Princess" was written by Frances Hodgeson Burnett, however we based our story on the recent movie (Warner Bros., Mark Johnson/Baltimore Pictures, etc). Also, Escaflowne is not ours (unfortunately, or else we would have money), which is owned by Hajime Yadate and Shoji Kawamori with Sunrise. 

**Characters:**

Sara Crewe = Van Fanel Captain Crewe = Allen Schezar 

**Weird story characters**

Princess Zeita (sp?) = Zongi in female form

Rama (blue boy) = Allen w/ blue paint

Ravana (monster) = Dilandau Albatou

**End weird story characters**

Mia = Varie Fanel

Miss Minchin = Millernia Aston

Amila Minchin = Moleman

Becky = Hitomi Kanzaki

Fat Girl = Merle

Bitch Girl = Dilandau (we like him.. :p). 

French Teacher = Dornkirk

A long time ago in a distant place, more correctly a strange moon in the sky, there was a kingdom called….. Fanelia. The land was blessed with lush greenery and a sense of magic with clung to the air. ~**cue music~**

A figure slowly emerges from the thick forest, flowers cling to the branches in all different shades of the rainbow. A blue man named Allen slowly walked up to his beloved and embraces it. The princess, Zongi, looks upon her love with affection, its green eyes looking mindlessly off trying to remember what the heck it was doing there. 

_Allen had been banished from Asturia (again) by the evil king (still angered about the whole daughter screwing situation). Hidden away in the magical forest with his love, Allen had painted himself blue to blend with the greenery of his surroundings (he's not that bright)._

_One day, Zongi spied a wounded mongoose in the forest. It begged Allen to go help it. Allen looked upon his love with determination and grabbed an arrow from his quiver, and drew a symbol in the sand._

_"This is a 'magic' circle," Allen lied, "as long as you remain in it, no harm can come to you." Then Allen made a run for it._

_For five whole long minutes did Zongi wait for his love to return, when he suddenly thought he heard a voice cry out._

_"Moeru!!!!!"_

_Thinking it was his dumb-ass husband in trouble (again), Zongi went to investigate._

_Zongi ran as quickly as possible, its skirts whipping wildly around it, tripping it up. Zongi glanced from to both sides, getting slightly worried about the giant thorns that had appeared suddenly from the ground. Thinking nothing of it, only thinking of his dumb-ass husband, who in no way was brilliant enough to make it this far in five minutes, came across a little girl crying about not wanting to be left alone._

_The situation is grave, thought Zongi secretly yearning for a child as well (however, Allen was not THAT stupid), bent down and put its hand upon the child's shoulder._

_ "Little girl, are you okay?" inquired Zongi as the little girl looked up with a satanic expression flickering across her face._

_Having seen "The Exorcist" many times, Zongi decided it was time to go back to his 'magic' circle._

Just then the girl turned into a teenage albino boy of fifteen years! Zongi, thoroughly wetting itself in fear, turned to run but was suddenly engulfed by the flames of the demon boy's Supra Flamethrower!!!!! 

Van Fanel quickly scrambled up the head of a dragon while concluding his tale of horror. A little random child sat on the top, seriously scared from the tale. 

"Wow Van, you're messed up!" said the little child scooting away and falling off the dragon's head into the water below.

"Well, look at his Father…" replied Varie Fanel who watched the children in boredom. Despite the same last names, Varie and Van are in _no way related_ in this story, so there.

"He's not my Father! I rather die a thousand deaths than be related to that super pimp scum!!" Van declared while sitting down and taking out his sword to look upon the wonderful cool blade.

"Van, all boys are ryuu-jins, you must always remember that," Varie said softly looking upon Van with affection.

"What about the boys who don't have wings?" pondered Van looking away from his sword for once.

"THEY ARE RYUU-JINS IF I SAY THEY ARE!!!" screamed Varie with flames leaping from her eyes, setting the surroundings on fire.

"Yes ma'am," cowered Van as he decided it was time to go home to his pimp "Father."

"I will always miss the lush air and women of Fanelia," mused Allen Schezar, no longer painted blue since it was no longer the mystical story.

"Stick it up yer ass, Blondie," grumbled Van from his giant king sized bed, "How the hell did you get in here in the first place?"

Ignoring Van, Allen continued to muse while looking outside, "Great times in this city, I expect the birthrate to jump up by at least tenfold."

"Get out!!" Van yelled thoroughly sick to his stomach while covering up his ears.

"Yup, Fanelia sure stirs up the imagination," Allen said licking his lips.

"Aren't you going to Zaibach soon?" Van asked pulling further away from Allen.

"Yes, we leave tomorrow," Allen said turning around and showing off his brilliant smile. Van, unfazed by Allen's pimpin' charms, eyes widened in horror mixed with sickness.

"WE?!"

TO BE CONTINUED when we are on another chocolate high… :p Please R&R, you can e-mail us at MitsukiSaga@hotmail.com. Thanks. :p


	2. "Bonding"

A Little Ryuu-jin Chapter 2

Yay! We made another part. This story is just so much fun I think that we will devote our "hang out" time to actually doing something other than staring at TV. We hope that everyone is enjoying themselves, please R & R.

Story is PG-13 for blood, swearing, and all that wonderful adult stuff.

Disclaimer: Yes, everything in this fanfiction is basically making fun of everything. -_-; Escaflowne and "A Little Princess", plus others are property of those who created them. This is simply a fanwork by those high on chocolate and Dr. Quinn.

Van Fanel looked longingly across the sea wishing that he was back in Fanelia instead of with the pimp, also known as his "Father." They had been as sea for almost two days, every minute growing longer and more painful that the one before. Sighing, Van grabbed his sword and made his way out of the room trying to get his mind off the situation.

Once on deck Van wondered where all the other passengers were. During the whole course of the cruise he had not seen anyone else. The better question yet was who was driving this ship? A golden locket appeared in his vision as Allen crept up behind him.

"Get the fuck away from me! RAPE!" screamed Van, vaulting away from the blond knight.

Allen bent and picked up the locket, gazing at Van with questioning eyes. "This was your mother's locket. I gave it to her the first night we…heh heh…" At this, Allen began poking his index finger through a hole formed by his other fingers and thumb.

"Can't you put it more delicately! _Ki-sama_!"

"No."

"Aagh!" Van yelled stomping his foot then quickly regained his cool air, "Very well, give the locket to me."

"No, no. You said you didn't want it." Allen said casually, as he pocket the locket -_-;;.

"I, Van Slanzar de Fanel, King of Fanelia, will take that locket from you even if it costs my life," swore Van unsheathing his sword with the crest of Fanelia sparking in the moonlight.

"Oh, is that so? I, Allen Schezar, Knight of Austuria, swear as my honor as a gentleman and knight to keep this locket. You will have to go through me," Allen smiled pulling out his sword that glinted evilly in the moonlight. "En Guard!" 

Van was delighted at the idea of beating the shit out of his supposed 'father' once more. The chance at proving the pimp he wasn't all that and a bag of chips gave him a warm feeling inside and an evil smile on his face. With a demonic cackle, he lunged at the knight.

"Ha! You don't charge aggressively enough!" Laughed Allen as his arm fell off. 

He stared in horror at the blood spewing onto the deck. "That's it!" he cried, waving his remaining arm in fury towards Van, "time to _die_ halfbreed!"

"At least my REAL dad didn't leave my mom for a girl from the Mystic Moon!"

"Shut up! I _am_ your father!" Allen said with his voice growing deeper and raspy.

"NOOOOOOoooo!" cried Van as his lightsaber sliced through Allen's neck….

Through the magic of fanfiction, the writers were able to tape Allen's head and arm back on to finish the scene. Thank you for your patience.

"Ow…" Allen groaned, rubbing his neck. Thoroughly pissed, he charged at our wonderful young king…

"You guys are biased!"

No we're not. But Van was without a doubt much stronger than Allen, and nimbly dodged his attack. 

The song of steel resounded throughout the empty ship as the two swords of the fighters clashed in the fury of their masters. Pitted against each other, "father" and "son" were finally able to release their anger that had lingered since last Christmas.

A bullet whizzed passed Van, puncturing through his trenchcoat as he dodged in a weird techno fashion.

"How did you do that? You moved like they do!" cried Allen, reloading.

"My name is Neo…er…VAN!!!!" With that, the young king pulled a bazooka out from under his coat and fired upon Allen.

The authors apologize for the sudden turn off track and forgetting of plot "There was a plot?" "Shut up!" BAM! Thank you and back to the ORIGINAL story…

"So, tell me more about how much you loved my Mother, however small the moment," Van asked leaning against the rail as Allen looked out towards the ocean. Allen's eyes got misty at the thought and he smiled down upon his 'son'.

"I loved your Mother. Her skin was pale, like a ghost. She has nice pretty wings, like you!"

"Don't bring me into your sexual fantasies," Van growled touching the hilt of his sword in warning.

"Well, you asked," Allen whispered, her eyes once again growing misty after the interruption. "I loved the smell of her hair, the sound of her voice, but most of all I loved how she danced…"

Van looked at Allen and smiled warmly at the thought of how much his parents loved each other. Perhaps Allen had truly loved his Mom and had only turned into a pimp in his grief over losing her. His heart growing lighter, Van moved slightly closer to his 'father', closing the distance of ten feet.

"… especially horizontally!" 

Van fell over.

In the distance, a strange man watched. The man stood tall in his black cape, a mechanical arm glistening in the moonlight, (as all shiny things do) and a little blond boy perched upon his shoulder…

"School for Girls…" read Van then turned to Allen, "HEY!"

"It was cheaper, besides you will be surrounded by chicks! Make your Father proud son!" Allen said smacking Van on the shoulder then pushing him into the door.

BONK.

The door opened to reveal a man with a moustache and turban covering his hair, and an air of dignity radiating from him. He looked down at Van and smiled and greeted him, then turned on Allen with his features on his face frozen.

"Allen," he boomed, his eyes bulging. "You fucked my WIFE!"

Van turned to Allen, "You do get around Pop."

Allen began to sweat and laughing uncomfortably while slowly backing away. He pushed Van once more into the school and squeaked, "Well, I have an… erm…. War to catch! Call me if you survive Van! Have fun!" and bolted down the street knocking over anyone who was in his way.

Van entered the school with a feeling of foreboding, would something happen to him there? You better believe it.


End file.
